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How To Talk Dirty To A Girl
Notice the sensations in your body. Express them.
Ask for what you want. Talk about it.
Anticipate how good it’s going to feel. Breathe heavy.
Think about your fantasy. Voice it.
Notice her body. Compliment her.
Does it feel good? Tell her.
Do you like the way she’s touching you? Moan.
Are you getting hard? Groan.
Are you close? Announce it.
Erotic talk is about reflecting, creating or intensifying passion through sounds and words. It’s caressing your lover with language. Erotic talk is an important part of rebuilding your sex life because…
Erotic Talk Keeps You In The Moment.
“Talking Dirty” makes sex fire on all five cylinders. Sex is terrific with taste, touch, sight and smell, but talk brings it all together. A four cylinder engine will take you where you want to go but adding a fifth will get you there quicker and the ride will be more memorable.
Passionate sex is about creating and releasing energy. Talking is energy– in the form of noise vibrating in distinct patterns and pitches. You don’t just hear sound, you feel it. There’s scientific backing for this. Speaking or hearing sexually charged words is known to spike dopamine transmissions in brain chemistry, triggering sexual excitement.
Erotic talking is a release of pent-up energy. It gives voice to our innermost desires in ways that our bodies can’t. It creates energy not just by the physical vibration or your emotional intent, but by prompting your partner to respond. Energy feeds on energy. Every word you say builds a step your partner climbs up on. And everything she says builds a step for you to rise. Keep climbing. Heat rises. Sometimes words get in the way but other times they pave the way.
Talking Dirty Tips
If you truly don’t make a sound in bed, following your partner’s sounds will help but keep in mind that there’s a difference between mirroring and aping. If her moans are deep and guttural, make yours a little more shallow and high pitched. If hers are long make yours short. Mirroring ping-pongs the energy higher and higher. Aping just makes her feel like you’re mocking her.
What if you’re not feeling anything strongly enough to moan or groan about? Well, you’re most likely feeling something and you can certainly give verbal expression to that.
If you feel funny about moaning or groaning for a feeling that isn’t there (or a feeling you don’t think justifies a sound), do it anyway because the act of moaning or sighing can create the feeling or make it grow stronger. Just because you don’t feel it doesn’t mean you can’t get yourself to. Remember, you may not be hungry but the smell of a good hot dog can make you put the whole thing in your mouth. A little acting, a little effort and whoa! Where did that orgasm come from? Get comfortable with sounds and you’ll get comfortable with words. Once it’s easy for you to sigh, moan or growl, you’re ready for the next step.
Develop your own code words.
If you’ve got a bad case of verbal performance anxiety or you’re too afraid you’re going to end up saying something ridiculous (“access of evil!”), develop a code for words you find difficult to say. For example, you could say, “Can we do my favorite thing?” to indicate missionary style. “Tease me” could be a stand-in for oral sex. And “My turn” could stand for, well, your crack at whatever she was doing.
I want to verb your noun.
It’s not what you say but that you say. As you get more comfortable with making sounds and forming words during love making, it’s time to get a little more explicit. But first, let’s practice. Get your hands on some erotica. It could be a magazine, a blog post or any of the short stories or book-length novels you might find in Amazon under “erotica.”
Got it? Good. Now find your favorite passages and read it out loud to yourself first so you can get the hang of it and won’t feel so self-conscious when you’re with your partner.
Once you get used to saying the words, it’s time to say them to your partner. Keep in mind that talking sexy is supposed to be fun. You’re merely expressing your sexuality with words. If you think you’ve got to come up with something flowery, STOP. Back up. Let me introduce you to the first rule of Tabasco Talk:
Dirty Talk Tips
Your partner isn’t exactly going to be silent when you start talking and she deserves the same kind of openness and acceptance you’d like from her. Instead of trying to decide whether your partner’s utterances are appropriate, silly, cliched, or offensive, judge them by their power to arouse you. This is important because words are aphrodisiacs, and if there’s something that she says or the way she says it that turns you on, you need to respond positively so she knows to keep saying it in the future.
By the same token, if there’s something that’s offensive you need to tell her that too. I had a friend who finally had the nerve to ask his girlfriend to talk dirty and she ended up calling him a dirty manwhore every time they made love. Not exactly what he was hoping for. Remember the universal law of questions: If you want something ask for it. If you want something stopped, ask for that too.
What not to say in bed.
Desires shouldn’t be demands. It’s one thing to ask for something, another to make it sound like a requirement. For example, if a woman wants to cause a firm case of situational impotence in you she can’t do any better than saying things that sounds like she wants a command performance.
For example, if you have problems with premature ejaculation, telling you that she wants to make love for hours on end is going to feel like a lot of pressure. Words are meant to entice and provoke, not threaten.
The same warning goes for you. For example, if you know your partner has body image issues, turning on the stadium lights and asking her to strip for you is not exactly a winning strategy.
Dirty Talking Advice
Verb me! Verb me now!
Using coded words and couched language in place of graphic talk is fine, but it’s a little like pedaling a bicycle to the party when you’ve got the keys to the Kawasaki. They’ll both get you there, but only one will rock your world. Lusty carnal desires should be expressed with language equal to its intensity. Vrrooooom!
“Dirty” words are a funny thing. What offends you in day-to-day conversation may please you in the heat of passion. You’d be offended if you bumped into a stranger who called you a dick, but you might be aroused if your partner said she wanted your dick in the middle of a steamy session.
So how should you start? I’m not going to put words in your mouth. That would be unsanitary—you have no idea where my words have been! But more importantly, it doesn’t matter what you say but the authenticity with which you say it. What’s your truth? All you’ve got to do is state it. The objective isn’t creativity, it’s conductivity. How much heat can you conduct? There is no such thing as a must-use line (well, there is one, but that comes later, in a few moments).
If graphic sex talk still makes you uncomfortable, cloak the harsher, more startling phrases into warm, sensual questions or statements. For instance, instead of saying, “I want to fuck you,” you could say things like:
I want to feel me moving inside of you.
Can you feel how hard you’ve gotten me?
How To Talk Dirty to Your Partner
A (Dirty) Word For Guys Struggling With Body Image Issues.
Let’s do a test: I want you to think about a part of your body you don’t like while reading aloud this sexual passage in Toni Morrison’s Beloved:
As soon as one strip of husk was down, the rest obeyed and the ear yielded up to him its shy rows, exposed at last. How loose the silk. How quick the jailed-up flavor ran free. No matter what all your teeth and wet fingers anticipated, there was no accounting for the way that simple joy could shake you. How loose the silk. How fine and loose and free.
It’s hard to hold on to the negative thought, isn’t it? Talking about one subject while thinking about another is like trying to have an interesting conversation while you’re watching a repeat of a dreadful show—you’re going to pay a lot more attention to the new dialogue than the old monologue. Erotic talk—verbalizing all aspects of your sexual experience—doesn’t leave much space for your inner dialogue. Here’s why: Talking is participating, and participating gives your obsessive mind something else to focus on other than your appearance. For more on how to overcome body image issues check out Not Tonight Dear, I Feel Fat: How To Stop Worrying About Your Body & Have Great Sex.
How to Talk Dirty To A Girl
Silence is a form of withdrawal which frees you to focus on other things—bad sex juju if you ask me because great sex requires you to stay in the moment. Talking is a form of participation which reduces the opportunity of diverting thoughts and keeps you present with what’s going on now. Talking sexy is all about participation and “energy management”–the ability to create, monitor, and master sexual energy. It can make you feel like the world is speeding up or ending more slowly. It heightens anticipation, magnifies sensations and intensifies orgasms. It can also give your anxious thoughts a serious case of amnesia. By provocatively communicating your desires and expressing your love you silence self-judgment and give voice to the depth, richness, and variety of your erotic feelings.
Talking sexy also improves your competency in bed. A lot of women love to hear guys talk dirty and because they do, it’s an important part of being a good sex partner–a critical goal for you because competency creates confidence which creates more competency which makes you…awesome in bed.
Think of talking in bed as caressing your lover with words. Entice, Excite, Enchant. Don’t be captive to silence. Free your tongue, the zest will follow.