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How To Get A Girl’s Phone Number
Asking for a woman’s phone number is one of the most nerve-wracking things you can ever try. You get so wrapped up in the possibility of blowing it that you lose sight of why she’s talking to you in the first place–because she’s interested. Even if that interest is mild or ambiguous.
In the wake of all that anticipatory anxiety it’s easy to sound so desperate, meek or try-hard that you practically guarantee some form of rejection (like when she says, “Why don’t you give me your number instead?” or “I don’t give out my number to people I don’t know”).
We all know guys who are great with women. They’re confident, they’re experienced and they know just what to say. They’re so smooth they can drive a convertible through a car wash and not get wet. What’s their secret?
You’re about to find out. This book is a little different than what you may be used to, though. If you’re looking for a seduction guru who “cracked the code” and brags about how they can get a phone number in 3 minutes flat, you need to get your money back. You’re not reading an autobiography; you’re reading a journalist’s investigation into the best ways to get a girl’s phone number so you can ask her out.
Typically, some self-styled “seduction guru” tells you that his technique, and only his technique, will work and that it will work under all circumstances with all women.
The problem with listening to any one expert is that you only get one perspective. And while these experts may be wildly successful, most of them are raging extroverts. What if you’re not?
I mean, it’s fine if you have the kind of personality that could talk to a wall and go home with it’s plaster, but most guys don’t have that kind of personality.
To combat the One Perspective/One Personality trap I interviewed many of the top seduction gurus as well as a wide variety of good-looking women who constantly get hit on. I also talked to respected psychologists in the field of persuasion and leading sales experts who know a thing or two about “Getting To Yes.”
The result is this: A “Best Practices” Guide to getting a woman’s phone number. You will not be learning “my” techniques, but the techniques that players, women, psychologists and sales geniuses all agree have the best chance to land you a number. Whether you’re in a bar, restaurant, a park, hell, even an elevator.
By providing different perspectives and solid rationales from the fields of sales and persuasion, you’re going to find solutions that you’re more comfortable using, given that everyone has different personalities.
One last thing. This isn’t a guide to trick or manipulate women into doing something they may not want to do. After all, what good is tricking or pressuring a girl to give you her number if she has no intention of calling you back?
This is a manual that helps you connect with a woman more fully so that she wants to give you her phone number and in turn, wants to pick up the phone when you call.
So make some space in your phone. By the time you finish reading this guide, you’re going to need it!
Factors That Influence A Girl To Give Out Her Number
Before we get into specifics it’s worth noting what influences a woman to give you her phone number, even if the connection isn’t that strong.
All the experts I interviewed agreed on one golden rule: Never treat the phone number as the goal, but a natural extension of a worthwhile conversation. Here are some other rules:
Getting A Woman’s Number
Only Ask If You Have Established a Genuine Connection
Otherwise you’re going to get a fake number or worse, never get your calls returned. Some of those “seduction experts” may be able to close her in three minutes flat, but that isn’t the reality of the vast majority of guys. Most psychologists who study dating behavior agree that a 15-20 minute conversation before asking for the phone number maximizes your chances of getting it. There are exceptions, of course. It’s possible to establish a genuine connection in a couple of minutes, and if either one of you have to rush out it’s imperative that you ask quickly (more on that later).
Never Actually Ask For Her Phone Number
“Asking” for her number is like asking for permission to call. That is not Alpha Male behavior. Here are examples of “permission-asking” behavior:
- May I have your number?
- Can I call you some time?
- Would you give me your phone number?
So how do you get her to give you her phone number if you’re not supposed to ask? Keep reading.
Flirting Strategies For Guys
Why You Should Ask For Her Email Instead Of Her Number
It’s a big deal for a woman to give her number out to somebody she doesn’t know well. Women have legitimate safety concerns. Believe me, early on you’re being evaluated under three categories: Potential friend, Potential Lover, or Potential Restraining Order.
You can bypass the fear factor with a low-risk request: Her email address. In the world of rock, scissors, women, email beats phone every time.
See, women have a lot of reasons for giving out their phone numbers. Sometimes it’s just to get you off her back. Some like the ego stroke of getting calls from lots of guys. Can’t you just hear her turning to her friends while the phone rings off the hook–“Why are so many guys calling me!”
Of course, most of the time women are actually interested. The problem is that unless she had strong interest she may be standoffish, uninterested and sometimes, downright rude on the phone. There are a lot of reasons for this. Depending on how much she drank and how many guys she met, she may not fully remember you. Or sadly she may have recalled that you weren’t all that and a bag of chips. Either way, you’re left with one dud of a phone call.
This doesn’t happen with email. Not only is it easier to ask for, it exponentially increases the chance of a positive response. Here’s why:
You’ll be less rattled with a first email than a first phone call.
Because you can think it through beforehand, you’re much likelier to write something fun, inventive and clever than you are to impulsively come up with something over the phone.
It’s easier for a woman to reply to an email than to respond to a phone call.
What if you call when she can’t answer? A lot of women have a rule about not calling back (women like to be the chasee, not the chaser), or she may not be interested enough to dial your number. Hitting the “reply” button on your browser doesn’t take much of an investment. Emails are answered FAR more often than voicemail messages.
Email gives you a better chance at building attraction with a woman who’s ambivalent about you. So here are a few really clever ways to ask for her email:
Getting Her Number
The Ten Most Effective Ways To Get Her Phone Number
#1 Seed The Idea Of A Meet-Up.
Let’s say you’re talking about a great park you both like to go to. Tell her you know a great spot to feed the ducks and that you’ll show it to her sometime. When the conversation is close to ending, then say, “Hey, let me take your number and we’ll arrange that trip to see the ducks.”
Here’s another example: You’ve discovered a shared interest, sushi. At the end of the conversation, say, “Hey, give me your number, and we’ll give that new sushi place a try.”
Here are nine more ways to ask her, each one increasingly more entertaining and clever than the next…
Asking For Her Telephone Number
Should You Keep Talking After You Get Her Number?
There are two schools of thought about this question. On the one hand, leaving right after you get her phone number makes it look like the whole point of talking to her was to get her phone number. Which makes you a self-validating prick who isn’t interested in adding genuine value to her life. Don’t make her think you wanted her phone number more than you wanted her.
By continuing to talk to her, you strengthen the connection and build more attraction. This is an important point if you’re getting a lot of phone numbers, but never get your calls returned. Or worse, getting them answered but never getting a date (or a hookup) out of it.
Once you build more attraction you’ve dramatically increased the chance that she’ll call/text you back. Each new thread of conversation weaves a stronger bond between you. The more investment she makes (in time, in emotional currency) the more she is going to want a return on that investment. Like picking up the phone when you call and saying yes to a date.
Besides, nothing is more awkward that constantly running into a girl the same night you got her number. If you’re going to leave, LEAVE. Don’t hang out in the same place.
An Opposing View
In most cases, you should be….
Flirting Advice For Guys
What To Say On The First Call (Or Text)
Here’s a common texting mistake:
“Hey it’s Mike, It was nice meeting you tonight, hope your night went well.”
Yes, show her you have the personality of a parking meter. A dry text or voicemail like that adds no value to the conversation and puts the burden on her to keep the conversation from slipping into the abyss.
One word: Playful.
Great Text Examples: Here are some kick-ass opening texts that’ll make her paw the ground for you…
Flirty Text Messages For Guys
How To Avoid Conversational Dead-Ends On The First Call
The trick to preventing conversational dead-ends is to jump from one subject to the other BEFORE any one subject dries up. You do this all the time with good friends–you just don’t realize it. Here, look at the difference in conversational styles between:
You and a Stranger…
You: Have you been to that new boutique hotel downtown?
Stranger: No, I haven’t. Have you? (continues thread)
You: Yeah, it’s pretty rad (continue thread)
Stranger: What makes it so different? (continues thread)
You: It’s got a pool in the middle of the lobby. (continue thread)
Can you spell B-O-R-I-N-G? Now look at the same conversation if you’d had it with a good friend…
How To Get A Stripper’s Phone Number
Never say “yes” when the stripper you’re crushing on asks if you want a dance. If she gives you one you’re never going to get her number because you’ve just become another john to her. Instead, say something like,