Earlier I said it’s not what you say but that you say. I’d like to amend that–it’s also how you say it. The quality of your voice is as important as the content of your words. With the right voice, we can get turned on by people reciting the alphabet. But what exactly are the qualities of a sexy voice and how can you bring it forth and put your own personal stamp on it?
How To Talk Dirty In Bed
Most women associate a sexy voice with deep, rich, throaty, husky sounds. There’s a reason for that–it’s what your voice sounds like after an orgasm.
Experts call it the “post-coital voice” because the effects of an orgasm–the release of muscle tension, the change in hormones–move your breathing away from your chest and onto your diaphragm.
So, how can you re-create that “post-coital voice” in the bedroom? By practicing diaphragmatic breathing. You’ll not only feel more calm and relaxed, you’ll cultivate the rich, deep, husky sounds we associate with a sexy voice.
If you’re like most people you’re a “high-chest” breather (your shoulders rise when you breathe). This can raise the larynx, set your whole vocal mechanism out of whack and cause you to sound tense, rushed, and frankly, a little irritating, even when you’re talking dirty to a girl.
By practicing diaphragmatic breathing (belly breathing)–you can subtly and sometimes dramatically change your speaking voice.
So where’s your diaphragm? Lie on your back (preferably on the floor). Notice how you’re breathing. It’s most likely from the chest.
Place a small book on your stomach. Breathe in a way that moves the book up and down. That’s diaphragmic breathing. Remember this feeling, the breathing pattern, and activate it when you talk dirty in bed.
Another way to identify diaphragmatic breathing is to put your hand on your belly when you first wake up. It’s natural to breathe with your belly. It’s only when we wake and get all anxious that we shift the breathing to our chests.
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Practice your post-coital voice by speaking as you expel breath with your belly. It will naturally lower the volume and the register of your voice.
Here’s a cool way to jump-start the process: Say the “h” in “he” without pronouncing the “e.” Say something else within a second of starting the h sound and you’ll be amazed at how it lowers the pitch of your voice.
In the last post of the series, we’ll wrap this all up with how talking dirty in bed can actually make you better in bed. In the meantime, here are 4 tips for a lusher speaking voice.
If you missed the last post, read it here.