Texturbating means you’re spending more time with your phone than with her. Do not fall into the trap of thinking that you can get to know a girl by texting, or that things are going well because your typing styles match. It’s not true. She is artfully creating a personality for herself that’s about as far removed from reality as your own nebulous e-personality.
Texting is a means to an end (namely hers). You didn’t get her number to knit text threads into adorable little sweaters. You got it because you want to hang out or hook up.
The only way that’s going to happen is if you ask her out. And the only way that’s going to happen is if you call her. It’s highly unlikely that a woman you don’t know very well is going to agree to meet you on the basis of your texting skills. So let’s start this post by understanding…
The Best Kinds of Text Messages For Her
It’s a bad idea to ask a girl out over text (things to text your girlfriend don’t count here). Even if she says yes, there’s a high likelihood she might cancel or not show up. Let me throw a few stats out to make my point:
- 15% of women have either been raped or suffered through an attempted rape.
- 57% of rapes occur on a date.
- 33% of women have been sexually harassed.
It’s almost a certainty that the girl you’re texting has had to put up with a lot of shitty men who initially appeared like decent guys. She’s learned not to put herself in potentially dangerous situations. This makes her understandably cautious.
There are good things to text a girl, and some not so good things. Asking her out over text sets off alarms. “Do I know enough about this guy to go out with him? Hmmm. Do I know any of his friends? No. Do any of my friends know him? No. Do I know his family? No. Do I know his coworkers? No. Come to think of it, I can hardly remember what his voice sounds like. I’m not sure this is such a good idea.”
Don’t let this happen to you. Give her the reassurance she needs. The best way to do that is to let her hear your voice and become more comfortable with you.
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The quicker you get the safety issue out of the way the better your chances are of laying hands upon the wonderment. Besides, texting may be fun but there’s a fake reality to it, much like talking to a girl on a dating site. Is that a gorgeous chick you’re talking to or a pimply 14-year-old boy who’s ridiculing you? You’d be surprised.
Whether you’re talking on a dating site with a girl you’ve never met or trying to figure out flirty texts to send a girl you hardly know, your number one goal is to meet her. Quickly.
What if you had beer goggles on and can’t quite remember what she looked like?
You’ve been texting up a storm. All systems go. The odds are good but are the goods odd? Only one way to find out—get her to send pictures.
Here’s how: Find an excuse to send pictures of yourself (“Look! Me and my new puppy!”). And for God’s sakes, send her good pictures, not the ones that make you look like a sweaty Nick Nolte under arrest for DUI.
The law of reciprocation will most likely compel her to send her own pics, but if she doesn’t, send her a casual text like, “Hey, wait a minute, I sent you three pictures of myself. Catch up, mustard!”
Or better yet, send her your Facebook page (delete all your knee-walking, black-out drunk pictures, please). Always be the first to send pictures or your Facebook address. Sending first makes you look friendly. Asking her to send first makes you look creepy. What you give will be offered.
Incontinence Hotline. Can You Hold?
Okay, back to making the call. It isn’t just about reassuring her of your worth; it’s about reassuring you of hers. You need to confirm your attraction to her. Even if you get her pics, are they real? Photoshopped? Ten years old and twenty pounds thinner?
Do you really want to spend weeks and weeks texting a girl that turns out to be fugs? Rip the band-aid off quickly. Find out whether you’re truly attracted to her before you sink into texting quicksand.
A third reason to call is that talking ramps up the sexual energy. Don’t you love a woman’s voice? Of course you do—that’s why you spend $3.99 a minute on phone sex lines! Seriously, you can tell a lot by voice quality, tonality, and resonance.
It is especially important to get her on the phone if she’s ambivalent about you. It’s so easy to ignore somebody’s writing, but their voice? That’s a different story, especially if you’re lucky enough to have the kind of speaking voice that turns women on.
It’s easy to blow somebody off based on a text. You know this because you’ve done it before, right? We all have.
Whether it’s from a friend or more, even the most virtuous of us have looked at that text, put the phone back in our pocket, and acted like it never happened.
So don’t be the guy on the wrong end of that equation. Call her.
In the next post we’ll get you through the actual call, sweaty palms and all. In the meantime, 8 more reasons to call instead of having a text marathon.
If you missed the last post, read it here.