Engaging the erotic feedback loop–using sounds and words to indicate pleasure — is critical to sexual communication. Here’s what happens when you don’t engage:
Your partner kisses a hotspot for you–behind your ears.
You don’t say a word or utter a sound, even though you like it.
She moves away from your hotspot and kisses a cold-spot.
Now, here’s what happens when you do engage:
Your partner kisses a hotspot–behind your ears.
You sigh and say, “Look at the goosebumps you’re giving me.”
She says, “Wow, I love what this does to you” and pays more attention to the spot.
You try to wriggle free and say, “Stop, I can’t take much more of that.”
Your partner moans, says, “Really….” and intensifies the feeling with gentle wet kisses.
You try to wiggle away, but she won’t let you. And just as you surrender to the feeling she blows softly in your ear and heats it with the warmth of her tongue. You say, “You’re making me hard.”
…and it’s a race to see who can tear off their clothes first…
This is how talking sexy ignites the erotic loop. You make a sound or say something. Your partner responds.
Her acknowledgment of your arousal arouses you. Your excitement excites her and soon you’re both sucked up into a vortex of pleasure.
How To Talk Dirty In Bed
Using coded words and couched language in place of graphic talk is fine, but it’s a little like pedaling a bicycle to the party when you’ve got the keys to the Kawasaki.
They’ll both get you there, but only one will rock your world. Lusty carnal desires should be expressed with language equal to its intensity. Vrrooooom!
“Dirty” words are a funny thing. What offends you in day-to-day conversation may please you in the heat of passion.
You’d be offended if you bumped into a stranger who called you a dick, but you might be aroused if your partner said she wanted your dick in the middle of a steamy session.
So how should you start talking dirty to her? I’m not going to put words in your mouth. That would be unsanitary—you have no idea where my words have been! But more importantly, it doesn’t matter what you say but the authenticity with which you say it.
What’s your truth? All you’ve got to do is state it. The objective isn’t creativity, it’s conductivity. How much heat can you conduct? There is no such thing as a must-use line for dirty talk in bed (well, there is one, but that comes later, in a few moments).
If graphic sex talk still makes you uncomfortable, cloak the harsher, more startling phrases into warm, sensual questions or statements. For instance, instead of saying, “I want to fuck you,” you could say things like:
I want to feel me moving inside of you.
Can you feel how hard you’ve gotten me?
How to overcome self-censorship
There’s really only one thing that’s stopping you from talking dirty to a girl in bed—you haven’t given yourself permission to do it. Think of talking sexy as slipping into a new persona—the way you’d slip into a shirt.
Featured: our most popular article on Dirty Talk in Bed
Every guy knows how ditching office pants for a pair of running shorts can completely change your perspective. Talking dirty is like that. You’re trying on a new outfit. And just as wearing a corporate suit doesn’t make you a stuffed shirt, talking dirty doesn’t make you, well, whatever it is you think it makes you.
Talking sexy can be a reflection of who you are or who you never let out. Give yourself permission for a wardrobe change.
The hottest thing she can ever say to you
Every survey that asks men what they like to hear their partners say in bed puts this phrase at the top of the charts:
Part of the appeal is obvious: Men get pleasure out of seeing women in pleasure. You want to feel like a man and nothing bears witness to your own masculinity more than bringing her to orgasm.
Okay, maybe you didn’t bring her to orgasm but you were in the room when it happened and to the male ego it’s the same thing!
In a way, her orgasm is proof of your sexual powers. For her to say, “I’m coming” is a bit like playing the Star Spangled Banner before you receive the Olympic gold medal–it amps up the pivotal moment of victory.
For attentive lovers who know that you want to come also, her announcement also signals permission that you can come whenever you want. So, get her to say those two magic words.
How? Easy. Just say, “You know what you can say that’ll turn me on more than anything? ‘I’m coming’ when you’re about to come.”
In the next post, make the sound of your voice sexier with one easy trick. In the meantime, check out what 32 women think is the sexiest thing they’ve ever been told.
If you missed the last post, read it here.