Start by observing her. What words does she use? What sounds does she make? Does she sigh or moan? When? Is it loud or soft? What effect does it have on you? What words does she repeat? What’s your reaction? Shock? Dismay? Arousal?
Pay attention. Notice. Observe. Then mirror her sounds. If she moans, moan with her. If she breathes hard, breathe hard with her.
You’re probably already doing this without knowing it. Romantic partners subconsciously mirror each other’s body language.
If you truly don’t make a sound in bed, following your partner’s sounds will help but keep in mind that there’s a difference between mirroring and aping. If her moans are deep and guttural, make yours a little more shallow and high pitched. If hers are long, make yours short.
Mirroring ping-pongs the energy higher and higher. Aping just makes her feel like you’re mocking her.
What if you’re not feeling anything strongly enough to moan or groan about? Well, you’re most likely feeling something and you can certainly give verbal expression to that.
If you feel funny about moaning or groaning for a feeling that isn’t there (or a feeling you don’t think justifies a sound), do it anyway because the act of moaning or sighing can create the feeling or make it grow stronger. Just because you don’t feel it doesn’t mean you can’t get yourself to.
Remember, you may not be hungry but the smell of a good hot dog can make you put the whole thing in your mouth. A little acting, a little effort and whoa! Where did that orgasm come from? Get comfortable with sounds and you’ll get comfortable with words. Once it’s easy for you to sigh, moan or growl, you’re ready for the next step.
How To Talk Dirty In Bed
If you’ve got a bad case of verbal performance anxiety or you’re too afraid you’re going to end up saying something ridiculous (“access of evil!”), develop a code for words you find difficult to say.
For example, you could say, “Can we do my favorite thing?” to indicate missionary style. “Tease me” could be a stand-in for oral sex. And “My turn” could stand for, well, your crack at whatever she was doing.
I want to verb your noun.
It’s not what you say but that you say. As you get more comfortable with making sounds and forming words during love making, it’s time to get a little more explicit. But first, let’s practice. Get your hands on some erotica. It could be a magazine, a blog post or any of the short stories or book-length novels you might find in Amazon under “erotica.”
Got it? Good. Now find your favorite passages and read it out loud to yourself first so you can get the hang of talking dirty to her and won’t feel so self-conscious when you’re with your partner.
Once you get used to things to say when talking dirty, it’s time to say them to your partner. Keep in mind that talking sexy is supposed to be fun. You’re merely expressing your sexuality with words.
If you think you’ve got to come up with something flowery, STOP. Back up. Let me introduce you to the first rule of Tabasco Talk: NO POETRY. Any word with more than two syllables is a word with too many syllables.
Click here for a comprehensive look at: How To Talk Dirty To Her
A great way to ease into the process is to practice on the phone when you’re out of town. Some guys find it easier because there’s no eye contact and the distance provides an emotional buffer.
Another good way to get comfortable with dirty talk in bed is to play a word game I call Naughtirati. Your partner draws naughty words on your naked back and you guess what they are.
Be playful. This isn’t serious. It’s fun. And wet, too, if your partner draws the words with her tongue. Can you guess what she’s writing? Louder, I can’t hear you!
In the next post, we’ll teach you how to get out of your own head. In the meantime, what’s she saying with her moans?
If you missed the last post, read it here.