Congratulations! You got her phone number. But it was…kind of awkward. You talked for a good twenty minutes at the bar/party/social event, but you noticed she wasn’t giving you her full attention.
She hesitated when you asked her for her number. You’re a little confused about her response.
Yes, she gave you her number but was it less out of desire and more out of a lack of industrial grade pepper spray within easy reach?
You’ve got your work cut out for you, buddy. Not every at-bat is a grand slam—in this case, you took a fastball to the spleen just to get on base. You can’t jump right into being overtly flirty, and for God’s sakes man, you can’t be sexual (yet). So, what do you do?
Obey these Rules Of Texting The Ambivalent.
What to Text A Girl First
Think of testicles: One is too few and three is too many. You don’t want to send a testicle, er, text, too soon because, hello, she’s not that into you. She’s expecting you to text right away because she can sense that you want her more than JFK wanted a car with a roof.
Two days is the perfect time to wait—it shows her you have a life and that you too may be ambivalent about her.
Do NOT send an open-ended text.
Here’s the very worst of the questions to text a girl:
“Hey, what’s up?”
You will just get the obvious, socially programmed response of “Not much, how bout you?” This is an interview question, will bore the hell out of your crush and is not what to say to a girl you like over text. In fact, you may as well have texted:
“Would you mind coming up with something interesting to say because I’m so boring the plaster peels off the wall when I talk to it.”
Not only are you announcing that you’ve got the personality of a Kansas zip code, you’re leaving her in the awkward situation of creating the value for a conversation you started. If you start a text thread don’t ask for value; deliver it. Your goal shouldn’t be to start a conversation. It should be to bring a smile to her face. The best way to text a girl is to learn how to…
The ability to “assume rapport” is one of the most useful social skills you can have. It will literally open doors for you in your dating, business and personal relationships.
Rapport is an emotional bond based on a shared understanding. The best way to get it is to pretend youʼve got it. Donʼt seek it; assume it.
Rapport seekers fish for a connection by asking yawners like “Whatʼs new?” “What do you do?” and “Where are you from?” If youʼve ever been on the receiving end of those questions from somebody you donʼt know–and arenʼt sure you want to—it feels as if somebodyʼs checking your pockets to see if youʼve got change for a dollar.
Itʼs way too invasive. Donʼt do it. Act as if you know her. Talk to her like you used to ditch class together.
People who have genuine rapport donʼt talk in meaningless questions. They talk in statement form or in meaningful questions. Letʼs say youʼre at a grocery store and you spy a hottie:
Asking for rapport: [directly approaching her] “Hi. Iʼm Mike. Whatʼs your name?”
Assuming rapport: [holding the bottle and asking indirectly] “Whatʼs up with 1% milk? Is it really any better than 2%?”
What’s the difference between asking and assuming rapport? Asking for it puts her guard up. Assuming it lowers it. Asking for rapport creates a try-hard energy. Assuming rapport creates camaraderie.
How does this translate into texting? Text as if you already know her.
Be quirky. Be fun. Be observational.
Remember, the golden rule of getting laid: He Who Makes Her Laugh Makes Her His. Your job is to make her smile, to associate you with good times, a chuckle or a laugh. Which text do you think a girl would rather get:
“Hi, how are you?”
“I just saw a drag queen on a mini-scooter stop at a red light and fix her make-up. Can you beat that?”
Which text do you think would make her want to get to know you better?
“Do you think naming two puppies Millie Vanilli is a little over the top?”
Click here for a comprehensive look at: Cute Texts For Her To Wake Up To
Asking her opinion is one of the most effective ways of engaging her, especially if you do it with wit. Don’t be afraid to be a little off-the-wall. It sets you apart from the rest of your tired bros. Interest, smiles, and laughter–these are all values you want to bring to the table. Now the truth is there’s nothing wrong with asking her how her day’s going as long as you’ve put the funny in it:
My cell phone fell out of my shirt pocket while tying my shoe on an escalator….which was followed by me being accused of trying to sneak an upskirt photo and being violently shoved down the top of the escalator. How’s YOUR day?
Now THAT’s how you ask a girl about her day! Remember, you can’t overtly flirt with someone who’s hesitant about you, so you have to create value—even in the ways you say hello. You can also do it by engaging their curiosity. You could send a message like:
You: You’ll never guess what happened to me last night!
Why it works: It hints at something funny or adventurous, and who doesn’t want to chuckle or hear something fun?Even better, she’ll think you’re setting it up to say that you met this cool girl (her) last night. So when you throw a curve ball at her expectations she’ll be more intrigued.
The challenge with this flirt idea is that you have to deliver on the promise. So get creative. Think of something funny that’s happened to you or just pretend it happened. Here’s an example:
Last night, my friend changed all my contacts in my phone. I have been texted by Batman, Beyonce, and Harry Potter. WTF!
Reinforce the memory of your interaction—with wit.
Why make something up when you can use something comedians use all the time: A “callback.” The main point of a callback is to reinforce a sense of the familiar. It “calls back” to an earlier joke in which the audience laughed. Here’s an example in joke form:
Two men are sitting on the front porch of a small town hardware store. First guy says: “Man, things have been tough; I haven’t sold a tractor all month…”
Second guy interrupts, saying: “You think you’ve got it bad… the other day I went out in the barn to milk the cow; darn thing kicked me right in the shins. So I tied her leg to the stall boards and moved the stool over to the other side. Then she kicked me with THAT leg; so I tied her other leg to the stall boards on that side. THEN she started swatting me with her tail, so I tied her tail up to the rafters.
If you can convince my wife I was gonna MILK that cow… I’ll buy a tractor from you!”
Notice the standard punch line (“If you can convince my wife I was gonna milk that cow”) is followed by a callback (the tractor).
For texting purposes, a callback is a reference to something you talked about when you first met. Let’s say you were both bitching about your jobs when you last talked. You could send a callback text like this:
“I swear, my boss is so conceited he takes a bow when he hears thunder!”
“My boss is doing the work of three men: Larry, Moe and Curly. Hope your day is going better.”
“My boss has my hair on fire. You?”
The point is to make every text vibrate with a witty sheen that makes her want to know you better. You can control whether texting breeds contempt or desire. Give her a “Hi, how are you?” and you’ll remind her why she wasn’t excited about giving you her number. Make her smile and she’ll wonder what else there is to you.
In the next post, we’ll figure out how to up the comfort level and not be pervy. In the meantime, check out 17 criminally boring texts.
If you missed the last post, read it here.