Before we get into specifics it’s worth noting what influences a woman to give you her phone number, even if the connection isn’t that strong.
All the experts I interviewed agreed on one golden rule: Never treat the phone number as the goal, but a natural extension of a worthwhile conversation.
Here are some other rules:
How To Ask A Girl For Her Number
Only ask if you have established a genuine connection. Otherwise, you’re going to get a fake number or worse, never get your calls returned. Some of those “seduction experts” may be able to close her in three minutes flat, but that isn’t the reality of the vast majority of guys.
Most psychologists who study dating behavior agree that a 15-20 minute conversation before asking for the phone number maximizes your chances of getting it.
There are exceptions, of course. It’s possible to establish a genuine connection in a couple of minutes, and if either one of you have to rush out it’s imperative that you ask quickly (more on that later).
Never Actually Ask For Her Phone Number
“Asking” for her number is like asking for permission to call. That is not Alpha Male behavior. Here are examples of “permission-asking” behavior:
- May I have your number?
- Can I call you sometime?
- Would you give me your phone number?
So how to get a girl’s phone number if you’re not supposed to ask? Keep reading.
Always Tell Her What You Plan To Do With Her Number
Psychologist Robert Cialdini, in his critically acclaimed book, Influence, discovered a remarkable phenomenon in human behavior:
People are far more likely to comply with a request if you give them a reason for making it–even if the reason is patently obvious.
So, always frame your request for a number with a reason for having it. It sounds foolish, doesn’t it? Like, what else are you going to do with her phone number, right? You have to spell it out, too?
Yes, if you want to increase your chances of getting it. Cialdini discovered that when you give people a reason for your request it triggers a kind of “compliance justification.”
Bottom line: Women are going to respond much better if you tell them why you want their number and what you plan to do with it.
Here are some examples of how to ask a girl for her phone number the right way:
“… so that we can continue the conversation later…”
“… so I can tell you when the next gallery opening is scheduled…”
“… because I want to get to know you better.”
“… because you can give me a tour of the city some time since I just moved here.”
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Create A Time Constraint
Saying that you have to leave (“I’ve got to run–I’m meeting some friends out and I’m late”) creates both a sense of urgency and scarcity so that when the phone number request comes in, she’s more likely to comply.
The words “I have to go now” are very powerful (if she’s attracted to you) because of the perceived loss. It’s natural for her to think, “It’s now or never. If I don’t give him my phone number now I might not ever see him again.”
Let Her Know When You’ll Call
Saying something like, “I’ll call you Saturday afternoon” or “I’ll text you tomorrow” does two things: It lets her know you’re serious and it builds anticipation.
If you call when you say you will you’ll earn major points.
In the next post, we’ll help you get her email first (trust us, there are good reasons). In the meantime, get her number using a calculator (though, don’t try this on math majors).