The Big Ask, or How Not To Be a Beta Male

I have a friend I call “Martini” because he gets so shaken up about asking girls for their number.  He gets so wrapped up in the possibility of blowing it that he loses sight of why they’re talking to him in the first place–because they’re interested (even if the interest is mild or ambiguous).

The best advice I can give you—and Martini—is to never treat the phone number as the goal, but as a natural extension of a worthwhile conversation.  That way, there isn’t a nerve-wracking build-up to THE BIG ASK and no pressure or awkwardness for her.  There are a couple of other rules about what to text a girl, of course, and they’re worth paying attention to.

How to Flirt With A Girl Over Text

Only ask for her number if you have established a genuine connection first. Otherwise you’re going to get a fake number or worse, never get your texts returned. Typically, a 15-20 minute conversation before asking for the phone number maximizes your chances of getting it.  There are exceptions, of course.

It’s possible to establish a genuine connection in a couple of minutes (lust or love at first sight), and if either one of you has to rush out it’s imperative that you ask quickly (more on that later).

Never Actually Ask For Her Phone Number.

“Asking” for her number is like asking for permission to call.  That is not Alpha Male behavior.  Here are examples of how a beta male (a fancy word for pussy) asks for a phone number:

  • May I have your number?
  • Can I call you sometime?
  • Would you give me your phone number?

This is “permission-asking” behavior and it will get you as far as the play button on the DVR you use for porn.  So how do you get her to give you her phone number if you’re not supposed to “ask” for it?  I’m going to show you ten word-for-word ways to do that in the next chapter.  But for now, remember these rules:

Always Tell Her What You Plan To Do With Her Number.

Psychologist Robert Cialdini, in his critically acclaimed book, Influence, discovered a remarkable phenomenon in human behavior:  People are far more likely to comply with a request if you give them a reason for making it–even if the reason is patently obvious.

So, always frame your request for a number with a reason for having it.  It sounds foolish, doesn’t it?  Like, what else are you going to do with her phone number? You have to spell it out?  Yes, if you want to increase your chances of getting it.  Cialdini discovered that when you give people a reason for your request it triggers a kind of “compliance justification.”

Women are going to respond much better if you tell them why you want their number and what you plan to do with it.  Here are some examples of how to phrase it. You can also use these as examples of what to text a girl first:

“… so that we can continue the conversation later…”

“… so I can tell you when the next gallery opening is scheduled…”

“… because I want to get to know you better.”

“… because you can give me a tour of the city some time since I just moved here.”


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Create A Time Constraint.       

Saying that you have to leave (“I’ve got to run–I’m meeting some friends out and I’m late”) creates both a sense of urgency and scarcity so that when the phone number request comes in, she’s more likely to give it to you.

The words “I have to go now” are very powerful (if she’s attracted to you) because of the perceived loss.  It’s natural for her to think, “It’s now or never.  If I don’t give him my phone number now I might not ever see him again.”

Let Her Know When You’ll Call.

Saying something like, “I’ll call you Saturday afternoon” or “I’ll text you tomorrow” does two things:  It lets her know you’re serious and it builds anticipation.  If you call or text when you say you will you’ll earn major points. (We’ll worry about the best texts to send to a girl in future posts).

Always Carry A Pen.

What about smart phones?  They’re terrific.  Unless you left yours at home or the battery died.  You don’t want to break the mood by going on a scavenger hunt for pen and paper.  Carry something like the chrome Fisher Space Pen.  It’s small, classy and a conversation-starter, as women will notice its beauty.

In the next post, what do you do when your efforts were a success but still feel like a failure? In the meantime, read about 7 creative ways to get her number.

By | 2017-01-30T12:19:48+00:00 January 24th, 2017|Texting For Guys|0 Comments

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