Sit On My Face, And Other Charming Openers

flirty texts for her


When you walk up to someone in a bar, or anywhere really, what do you normally say?


  • Hello!
  • How are you?


Do you ever start with:


  • You’re cute (AKA “ur cute”, which sounds like a new species of farm animal)
  • Ur hot
  • I love oral
  • Sit on my face


If you’ve tried those last two in person, how’d that go for you? Or more importantly, who bailed you out of jail?


Let’s be honest. Yes, men think about sex. A lot. And guess what? A fair amount of women do, too. But just because we THINK about it, it doesn’t mean it comes flying out of our mouths every time we open them.


Let’s try that another way

The cliche goes, “finding a needle in a haystack”.


My version specifically for dating is finding a piece of hay in a needle-stack – it’s all about how many pricks you’re willing to deal with.


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I’ve been told by male friends that dating (especially online) is a numbers game. You try something 100 times, and 99 times get shut down. But that one time? The time it actually worked?! That’s what keeps you going the next 99 times.


Now imagine it the other way: you’ve got 99 people hammering you with unwanted and sometimes super-creepy messages. If you can’t do that, (and I hate having to use this analogy), try imagining someone pelting your sister or other close female relative with those words. Did that help? Would you want that happening? If you said, HELL NO, then read on, I can help you. If you shrugged and don’t care – you should definitely read on, too, but I’m not sure I can help.

Funny Texts To Send To A Girl

The first thing: relax. Ease off the throttle. This isn’t a race to the bedroom (well, it can be, but that’s a post for another day). You can actually have a conversation first.


Be real! Though in this case, not too real. Some of the better first messages I’ve gotten were things like, “What went well for you this week?” That shows a bit more thought went into his message, and he’s looking for a genuine interaction.
Compliments. You can say things like, “that’s a great picture”, but if you’ve never met in person? Save the “you’re beautiful” until later.

Have a conversation. Talking with someone isn’t about winning. It’s not about proving your hobby/job/car/whatever is better. See point one: relax. It’s either going to work, or it won’t. But she won’t bite (until later, if you ask nicely – oh wait, that’s me), so just talk to her.


The bottom line

Yes, I know this takes effort. We’re all busy people. But if you’re genuinely looking for someone to hang out with, and not just bang it out with, then take the time. It’s still a numbers game, but I promise, it will pay off in the end.


If you’re looking for the latter, have fun on CraigsList and please stop messaging me.







By | 2016-12-20T09:07:38+00:00 December 31st, 2016|Texting For Guys|0 Comments

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