What (Not) To Text A Girl

Ding.what to text a girl

Such an innocent sound. An incoming text! So, someone swiped right and look, there you go. A match. And she’s cute!

What to say, what to say?!? So many choices, so few characters in a text. But, you can go from zero to creepy in less characters than a Tweet.  For example:




Slightly creepy: Hey beautiful! Wazzup?!

Fully creep-tastic: Wear a skirt when I meet you.



Why not try something a little less serial-killer-like, and go with a simple, “Hey, how are you?”.

We’ll get into the whole “how are you” vs “how r u” in another post. For now, try spelling all the words, they don’t actually cost extra.

Bonus tip:  “K” is either a cereal or the symbol for potassium on the periodic chart. Since this isn’t chem class, nor a Kellogg’s commercial, try putting an O in front. Maybe that O will pay off later….

OK, you’ve settled on the approach. Used all your words, sent off your electronic bits.  Now you wait.


She answered!

“Hey! I’m great,” you answered.  “How ’bout you?”

Now what?  It’s time for a primer on texting a girl you like.

You may come up with things that sounded good in your head, but should never be let loose on their own. Here are a couple of my personal favorites, that guys have said in my general direction:

You ARE weird, but that’s OK, I am, too.” I’m quite well aware that I’m “weird” – I do tend to equate “normal” with sheeple, so I’m good with weird. I’ll take being weird hands-down any day. But as an early attempt at a compliment? Maybe not.


You’re not as retarded as you think you are.” Hold the phone. Why do: 1) you think that I think I’m that and 2) you think that’s a nice or even polite thing to say? Try Door #3 in your head next time, it just might have something more helpful to your cause.


Texting A Girl You Like…Without Sounding Like An Ass

While I wish I could write you a step-by-step guide – who am I kidding? I AM going to write a series of these posts that you can in theory at least, patch together like a pirate’s treasure map to get to the booty. Literally.  But before we go there, a few must-learn tips?


  1. Speling n grammer MATTER (that was even a painful bit to type, I won’t lie)
  2. It’s not always about you and your dick
  3. If you’re going to make shit up, be prepared to be slapped down


Until next time, may your texts be received without eye-rolling.  Stay tuned for Part 2 of how to get around an accidental insult.


By | 2016-12-11T09:53:21+00:00 December 18th, 2016|Uncategorized|0 Comments

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